Month: July 2011

“Protect This House”

A friend of mine posted this video to Facebook earlier today. And, it got me thinking a bunch about some things.

If you know anything about Mormon modesty and purity teachings, one of things that is often mentioned is that the body is a temple & a house for the soul. While the body that I was “blessed” with is far from perfect, the damage that my eating habits and other poor choices have done it have certainly not treated it as a temple.

This video is going to be part of my new motivation. How will the choices I make regarding food and other things I put into my body “protect this house”?

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The FAQs on The Diet Coke Quest

Starting on August 1st, I’m going to be giving up Diet Coke. For those that know how much Diet Coke I consume on a daily basis, this is a pretty big deal. Because it wouldn’t make sense to give up Diet Coke but then substitute that with other artificial sweeteners (Crystal Light, etc.), my ultimate goal is to give up all artificial sweeteners starting on August 1st. I’m doing this for a number of different reasons and thought it would be worthwhile to list the reasons why I’m doing this.

  1. Dependency is bad. I truly believe that dependency on anything is bad. And, right now, I’m dependent on two things – Diet Coke and food. Tackling these two things are necessary to my happiness. In thinking about it, I know that if I tried to tackle the food problem first, it would only make tackling the artificial sweetener issue harder later. I feel that I have a chance to win in tackling both by approaching them in this order.
  2. Diet soda causes weight gain and larger waist sizes.
  3. Is aspartame a neurotoxin? I don’t know and there’s articles on both sides of things, but it is an interesting question.
  4. I need weight loss, and I don’t think I’ll get it without dropping artificial sweeteners. Back on 8/1/2010, I set a quest to go the entire month of August without fast food, specifically without going through a drive thru. In a few days, that one month quest will have stretched in to a year. People always ask me if I feel better, if I’ve lost weight, etc. And, the answer is no. I’m glad I’m not putting that much fat into my system, but I haven’t lost any weight in the past week. I really believe that artificial sweeteners are a large part of the reason why I’ve been stuck.
  5. The cost. A low estimate on how much I spend on Diet Coke a week is $30-$40. Some weeks, it might be double that. I know that other people have habits where they spend much more than that per week, but it would be great to eliminate that expense.
I’ve warned people at work that this is going to be painful. And, I don’t really know how it will go. But, I’m going to try and see what happens.
Wish me luck and think good thoughts.

Memories, Fear and Pain

I spent most of my early adulthood, and a good chunk of my 20s, living in fear.

I wasn’t afraid of anyone hurting me physically — the adults that had abused me as a child no longer had that power over me.

The remnants of the mental, physical and sexual abuse left these deep pits of despair and panic that could be triggered in any number of ways. Certain songs. Specific smells. A turn of phrase. Specific holidays. All could trigger something inside of me that felt uncontrollable and would lead to me behaving irrationally, causing myself harm, binge eating, or just curled up in such a state of panic that I couldn’t move.

I’ve recently noticed how I’ve changed and how little I’m triggered. I wish I could say that I was never triggered, but I don’t think that’s realistic. What I am proud of is that even when those things do happen, I’m able to deal with them in healthy ways most of the time.

I was recently thinking about something my step-dad did while we were growing up, and it was a normal “step-dad” thing, not one of the “evil monster” things, and I realized that’s where I’ve grown the most. It was possible for me to think of that memory of my childhood and actually enjoy it. I’m grateful for that.