Walking in fear

zebrasImagine walking around knowing that every step you take could potentially lead to a reaction that would cause excruciating pain. If you’ve ever broken a bone, this is the type of pain that you would experience.

That’s the fear that I face with every step — especially steps off curbs, stairs, or anything with a height imbalance. A simple trip can be disastrous. A slip on something wet can lead to months of immobility.

A few hours before writing this post, I slipped in the bathroom. The only thing that saved me from a full-on dislocation and subluxation was a quick grab onto the counter that kept me upright.

I’ve lately realized how much that fear has seeped into other areas of my life. I stay away from crowds because I don’t want someone to bump into me and throw one of my joints out of whack. I avoid walking in places that may have steps, curbs, or ledges. If I don’t know if an event — even if it’s just a birthday party — will be in an “accessible” location, I won’t attend.

When I was in Fargo a few months ago, more than one person mentioned that I use the word “can’t” too much.

I need to fix that.

 

 

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