I’ve been thinking quite a bit since I got back from Utah about the Parable of the Rich Fool from Luke 12, specifically Luke 12:19-21 …
19 And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’
20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’
21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”
There’s also an LDS version of this from the Book of Mormon which I grew up hearing. From 2nd Nephi 28 …
7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.
8 And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.
Right now, in many ways, I feel like I’m living the life of the Rich Fool. I’m choosing to live my life a certain way and to worship a certain way. It’s easier. I don’t feel conflicted all the time. I don’t walk around feeling like I have this cloud of guilt hanging over my head because I’m not “good enough”.
I had a conversation in Utah with someone whose opinion I respect a lot. She said some things about this life being short and eternity being long, but how important the choices we make in this life are for eternity. She also reminded me about certain promises and covenants I’ve made that I do take seriously.
I’ve struggled for several years with trying to reconcile my feelings and feel like I belonged where I was, and all it seemed to do is move me further and further away from God. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like my spiritual path is taking me closer to God. I’ve felt closer to God in prayer than I possibly ever have. I feel like I’m getting the knowledge from the Word that I’ve never received.
But, being on this path is taking me further away from the covenants that I made as part of my relationship with the LDS Church and that’s hard for me to acknowledge. I’m struggling so much with the idea that the path that seems to be taking me closer to God is taking me further away from the LDS Church.
My plan is to continue on the path I’m on and see where it leads. I hope that I will have acceptance from those in my life that I care about and love.